Category Archives: My Opinions

“Do You Need An Extension”


It’s been a while since I made a post but today it is expedient for me to do so.  It’s either write or fight and as I’ve been told by someone very special to me, I’m too pretty to be fighting while flying. And the pen is mightier than the sword. I had a very humbling experience happen to me today while boarding my flight to Orlando from Seattle on Alaska Airlines Flight 18.

As I’m boarding the the flight to find my seat, the flight attendant just blurts out as I’m passing her (with several other passengers around), “Ma’am, would you like a seat belt extension to make your flight more comfortable?” After getting over the initial shock, I just shook my head and said no and kept walking. But that wasn’t the end……she yells after me, “Well if you change your mind, let me know.”

Ok, first, I know I’m overweight. I’ve never denied that so why is this upsetting me so much?  The fact that I’ve been doing this job for 7 years as of February 16 and I’ve NEVER been asked this question is the first reason. And I’m actually smaller now than I was in previous years.

The main reason I’m so upset though is the fact that in my mind, she was insulting me on the sly. Now as I watch this person as she interacts with others I realize that she’s just a mean old biddy and is rude to everyone. But it still doesn’t change the damage her words have done. I know I am a strong individual and I will get over what she said (after calling her a few words that I’m sure God is not pleased with). Hey, I’m just being honest.

But this got me to thinking. There is a lesson to be learned in every situation you may go through. How many times have I said things to people just because I felt like I could and I have every right to without thinking about the effect my words may have on them? When we were younger, we all use to say “Stick & Stones may break my bones but Words will never hurt me.” Biggest lie ever told. Words actually hurt more because of the lasting memory that replays over & over in your head of how you felt at that moment every time you think about it.

So in a way, this rude behind lady’s remark, although it made me cry (I’ll admit), it also made me do some self evaluation. Not just about my weight because that’s something I can fix easily. Hey, I’ve lost 18 pounds so I know I can get rid of that. It made me do some self evaluation of how I treat others. I’m not a rude person but I’m going to learn to be even more sensitive to the feelings of others. Not every thing should be spoken at all times. Just because you’re thinking it doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for it to leave your mouth.

So to the flight attendant Brenda on Flight 18 from Seattle to Orlando, February 24, 2011, thank you. And no I don’t need a seat belt extension (because I’m not that darn fat helfa) but I do need an extension of sympathy towards others. And thanks to you with your rude behind, I will now learn to give that extention to others.

This was my woosah moment so that I wouldn’t hit Brenda. Thanks Jason for reminding me to write & not fight. Love ya!! :-):-)

Loving with Understanding v/s Loving with Expectations


Let me begin by saying that I am in no way the resident expert on love and relationships.  I am a Single Black Female waiting on the king for whom I was created to be his queen.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t give my opinion on this crazy little thing called love.

I have only truly been “IN LOVE” twice in my life.   Now of course there have been other men over my 35 years that I have loved but I’ve come to realize that I wasn’t IN LOVE with them.  And I’m sure some of you who think you KNOW me think that QJ is among those names that I will say.  But when you become a true grown-up, you can be honest about some things.  And QJ was an infatuation.  I was in love with the idea of what he represented. (another blog for another day). My first true love was with Mr. Malone.  I can say his name now.  At one time I could not even think about him without breaking down.  He is the one that got away.  I wasn’t ready to fully give myself to him…..control issues. (again, another blog for another day).  I am currently in love with an amazing man who I adore but I won’t say his name so that I can protect his privacy.  But loving him and Mr. Malone taught me what unconditional love really is which leads me to the title of this blog.

Loving with Understanding v/s Loving with Expectations…………

I’ll talk about this from my perspective as a woman.  For the gentlemen who are reading this, feel free to comment from a man’s perspective.  And ladies who are reading this, feel free to comment with your views as well.

Let’s begin with Expectations………defined as considering something to be likely or certain, a probable occurrence.  Now you may say, what’s wrong with that?  And my answer is nothing, nada, zilch, if you’re talking about anything else other than a relationship.  When we enter into any relationship, whether that’s boyfriend/girlfriend, marriage, or even a simple friendship, if we decide to go in loving this person with expectations, we have a mindset of things going a certain way and when they don’t work that way, we tend to blame it on the other person.  Now every girl wants that “knight & shining armour”.  She wants to feel cherished, adored, wanted, sexy, protected………and she wants to feel those things from the man she loves.  And she should.  But the problem comes in when you EXPECT him to be flawless.  Listen, diamonds should be flawless, not your man/woman.  We cannot expect our partners to complete us but to compliment us.

A relationship is about a connection between two individuals.  And sometimes you both have your own visions for life.  But if you’re in tune with each other, Your visions for life will coincide with each other’s without you even realizing it. (SN: Ladies, we need to learn to allow our men to be the man and lead us as God leads him – Just thought I’d throw that in there – [another blog topic]).  Back on track…….

Let’s talk about Understanding………one definition says it’s the reconciliation of differences, a statement of agreement.  And I absolutely love this.  How does that apply to a relationship you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.  Loving with understanding means that you acknowledge the fact that we’re all humans, mere mortals and mistakes will be made.  But the key is that when the mistakes are made, you talk about them as adults, express your feelings, and agree upon a solution.  Am I saying that you are to always agree on the same solution, heck no.  That’s not going to happen all the time.  But learn to be respectful of each other’s opinion.  And again, ladies, trust your man enough to be the man and to have your back.

Now that we have an idea of expectations v/s understanding, I think you can understand why I say that it is so much easier & more rewarding to love with understanding rather than love with expectations.  When you take the time to try to understand a person instead of making them into the image in your head, it makes for a more connected, enjoyable, compatible relationship and you learn to enjoy each other more.  The benefits you get from a happy relationship are innumerable.

Again, as I said, I’m not the resident expert on love & relationships.  Just speaking my opinion.